“ooh yes that’s lovely thank you, lemme just stretch so you can reach ma armpits…”
“…why you stop?!”
“ooh yes that’s lovely thank you, lemme just stretch so you can reach ma armpits…”
“…why you stop?!”
One of my modules this year is all about Victorian literature- we’re about to do ‘The Picture of Dorian Gray’, which for me will be the 4th time studying it. First time reading it I hated it- I got bogged down in all the talk of aestheticism and art and beauty and didn’t like it but by the third time I was more familiar with the terminology and was actually enjoying the story for itself. Anyways, in my seminars, we’ve been reading some really dense criticism which when I’m tired just goes right over my head:
just personally I don’t really get my tutor’s teaching style. It seems to work for everyone else, and don’t get me wrong, he’s a really clever guy; it just seems like he doesn’t want to share that cleverness with me. Anyways, even when I’m exhausted and feeling like I can’t remember how to speak English let alone handle critical essays, I still love how beautiful the language can be. We were looking at Walter Pater’s conclusion to ‘The Renaissance’, where he talks about what he thinks of reality, and one quote in particular struck me:
‘Experience, already reduced to a group of impressions, is ringed round for each one of us by that thick wall of personality through which no real voice has ever pierced on its way to us…every one of those impressions is the impression of the individual in his isolation, each mind keeping as a solitary prisoner its own dream of a world’
The last part in particular I liked. Not even necessarily agreeing with its meaning, just because it’s weirdly satisfying to see this point expressed so succinctly.
We had to do a module on Romanticism last year. To begin with I hated Romanticism; I found the stuff we were studying to be kind of boring (although I did like ‘I Wandered Lonely As A Cloud’)- bad for an English student to say I know, but it’s true. It all just seemed pretentious; everybody wandering around, filled with angst for no apparent reason, having strong feelings about nature and then dying at the end. ‘Sorrows of Young Werther’ in particular- what was he doing for the whole book? All he seemed to do was cry endlessly about everything (including the weather) and again, died at the end. Just wasn’t my sort of thing. But even being a module I didn’t particularly like, it still strikes me how beautiful the English language can be. I know ‘Frankenstein’ isn’t strictly part of Romanticism, yet Shelley was influenced by the Romantic movement; meaning Frankenstein himself also felt very strongly about things. Although to be fair he was allowed to be angsty, being responsible for the creation of a whole other life form and everything. On one of his angsty walks he comes to the ‘summit of Montanvert’- the quote goes:
‘it…filled me with a sublime ecstasy that gave wings to the soul, and allowed it to soar from the obscure world to light and joy. The sight of the awful and majestic in nature had indeed always the effect of solemnizing my mind, and causing me to forget the passing cares of life’
Which I think is beautiful. It is an eloquent way of expressing the wordless relief that can be felt by the character to see the unbearable torment they’d been suffering projected outside of themselves in the wildness of nature. Plus something about the hugeness of nature is oddly soothing, reducing problems to ‘passing cares of life’ even as it makes you feel small yourself.
In conclusion to this ramble, reading is goooooooood.
I love writing this blog (and I hope people enjoy reading it) so I wanted to write something yesterday. However, yesterday was one of those days where you feel completely unreasonable & your good mood is incredibly flimsy & the smallest thing can set it off. For instance, although I woke up a bit like this:
I was still having a great day. However I had my last counselling session that day and was feeling pretty nervous about it, because, I didn’t feel like talking, my social anxiety was having a great time running rampant in my head, and I didn’t really feel like talking to humans. Because I was so nervous about it my anxious-ness was trying to find something else to fixate on; I didn’t exactly notice how flimsy my good mood was until I dropped a chip at lunch and had the slightly unreasonable reaction when I watched it fall of:
causing my good mood to turn more sort of:
whilst I was mourning the loss of the chip. This, coupled with the fact that I was doing my best to ignore the bitchy-ness of the housemates
even though I said hi to them and they completely ignored me how RUDE is that and I wasn’t going to let it get to me
all meant that by the time I got back from counselling I was in this sort of state:
As of next week, on the 7th May, I am going to be 21 years old. So, being a mature and responsible almost-adult, I did the mature and responsible thing to deal with all this- I got into bed with my electric blanket and had a nap. Misjudging it slightly and waking up hours later with no idea where I was or what was going on and feeling like the apocalypse must have happened while I was asleep.
The nap worked though!
Today was a good day! Sunshine, happiness, all that jazz, not even bitter housemates could bring me down:
Good song of today was: Loaded, by Primal Scream. It’s kinda Stone Roses-ish, very Fools Gold, and one of those songs that always makes you feel good, so enjoy! Hope everyone had a good day!
Being a student, and therefore having no money, means I should really only be buying stuff I need. But. I went to a Molly’s Den recently which does all this amazingly beautiful vintage/retro/and just generally shiny stuff, and I was just stood there, thinking ‘I need to buy petrol to get back to uni and with whatever’s left I need to buy food…but I need everything here‘. It’s laid out as kind of a warehouse/maze and to Kieran’s alarm I immediately disappeared into the midst of it. If you ever went shopping with your mum when you were younger you’ll definitely have heard the ‘don’t buy it just for the sake of buying it‘ lecture. Well, this place. This place. Takes it to a whole new level. The first time I went, my personal preference was the randomly specific niche of lantern-like candle holders, things like so:
Other people probably buy these things for the decorative side of it- I like that too, but I’m worried I’m buying it more on the off-chance that next time there’s a power cut I can wander round the house with it doing my best creepy old person impression, complete with a quavery ‘who’s there?’ to match the quintessential old-crone-gate-warden-character thing in movies:
Anyways, Kieran lost me immediately in Molly’s Den, and could only track me by the jangle jangle of all the various candle-lanterns strung along each of my arms and the triumphant cackle every time I spotted another. I did eventually settle on one (Kieran talked me down from three) and would have put a picture, except we somehow managed to explode it a couple weeks ago. Seriously. No idea what happened, it just randomly blew up. So, this time round, I was on the hunt for something else pretty and frivolous and not at all what my student loan was intended for. The shopping-lust-haze descended and I spent a good 1o minutes trying to convince myself that what I was considering buying was indeed a good, practical purchase, until I snapped out of it and realised that what I was looking at was in fact a neon green armchair with fluorescent pink owls stamped across it. Bit of a shock. But, I did find this beautiful lampshade, which I actually did kinda need and which does look nice in my room, behold:
What do you think? Plus, pretty proud of myself for only buying one thing (and Kieran for talking me out of buying the rest)
Kieran had sat his girlfriend on the sofa because she was feeling ‘like she was coming down with something’. He left the room for five minutes to make her a cup of tea. While he was gone, his girlfriend mysteriously vanished to be replaced by The Cold Creature.
He felt the difference immediately, the temperature dropping as he returned with the tea. The lights had been turned out, the blinds closed. Hidden on the sofa in the darkness, huddled under a pile of blankets, something was lurking. He could hear a faint ‘wheeze, wheeze‘ as he slowly followed a trail of scrumpled tissues to the hunched pile of duvets that had been his girlfriend.
‘…Are you alright?’
‘I’ve brought you your tea…’
‘Wheeze, whe-‘… He’d caught the creature’s attention. The blankets parted slowly and an inquisitive claw reached out. ‘Give it!’
He didn’t really want to approach the unseen-duvet-thing, so he gingerly put it down near the claw, which was waving impatiently, and backed quickly away. The claw snatched the mug and retreated back under the duvet where a ‘wheeze, slurp’ followed by an appreciative grunt could soon be heard. ‘Thank you’. The creature was momentarily appeased.
The day was darkening outside; storm clouds rumbling. The cold was getting worse. It took hold on the creature and the coughs and sneezes began, a ‘rumble, BLEURGH’ now accompanying the wheezing. The blankets soon began to flail again, the unseen Cold Creature becoming agitated, and Kieran was keen not to antagonise it any further. ‘Can I get you anything?’ The blankets stopped flapping around, The Cold Creature mulling this question over.
Wheeze, wheeze, rumble BLEURGH’
More tissues, please
Kieran hopped over the mountain of tissues that had been hurled out from under the duvet throughout the day and ran off down the hall. It was nighttime by now, and Kieran was relieved to think the cold may wear off soon, and the creature might give his girlfriend back. He boiled the kettle, idly thinking what a creepy night it was, the rain lashing the windows and the trees swaying heavily outside. At that exact moment he suddenly thought he could hear a faint ‘shuffle shuffle’ noise, as if something was emerging out of the darkness. It couldn’t be his
girlfriend The Cold Creature, as he’d just left it grumpily wheezing on the sofa. Yet he could definitely hear a something coming closer.Unbeknownst to him, the creature had just decided it was hungry again. It had slithered off the sofa and, wearing its duvet as a cape, shuffled down the corridor. In the kitchen Kieran flicked the kettle off to listen further. There was a definite ‘shuffle, shuffle, rumble’ coming down the corridor. He froze. It had appeared behind him. A shapeless mass of duvet stood in the doorway, an ominous ‘wheeeeeeze’ building in its chest; a mass of tangled hair poked out the top of the blanket pile, a pair of eyes gleaming underneath, and just as Kieran turned to face it it let out a great SHRIEK of a sneeze, an ‘AIIIIII-CHUUUUUU’ which sent its blanket disguise flying; The Cold Creature was suddenly exposed, and Kieran’s girlfriend was revealed underneath.
I’m just in awe of Angelina Jolie Pitt. Not even in a weird way, I just can’t get over how insanely beautiful this woman is:
I mean seriously:
This woman is flawless. She could wear a bin bag and pull it off. Basically, this post is nothing but a kind of fan splurge of my awe. I don’t understand how someone can be so… symmetrical
I think I first witnessed this perfection in ‘Tomb raider’, then ‘Mr & Mrs Smith’ with the also ridiculously symmetrical Brad Pitt:
And then again in ‘Salt’ (which is an awesome movie). Even in ‘Maleficent’ where she’s meant to be some evil beastie-woman, she still looks unbelievably beautiful:
Made even better by the fact that it’s her adorable little daughter Vivienne in the movie with her having a great time and refusing to be afraid of her mother wearing horns:
Plus, not just a beautiful actress but classy too. This is her meeting the queen, and looking fabulous, you know, like you do…
Where she was made an honorary dame by the queen for her campaigning work fighting warzone sexual violence, humanitarian work being another thing she does a lot of.
The fangirling continues. I admire how in a society where people (especially celebrities) share every detail of their lives instantly online and have no privacy, Jolie Pitt and her husband have kept their family away from the limelight. Being A-listers means a lot of attention yet they have given their children as much of a ‘normal’ childhood as possible, keeping them away from paparazzi. Family is clearly important to them as she let her kids decorate her wedding dress:
Which is just…yes
Basically, she’s an all-round beautiful person
Right as we’re about to get into May and springtime and flowers and sunshine, I get a cold. I tried doing my normal routine whenever I feel a cold coming on of consuming nothing but orange juice and trying to will it to go away (which does actually work sometimes), but no use. It’s not even one of those colds where your nose is all:
and instead is more headaches and aching limbs and more just bleurgh; and since I’m not one of those people who can suffer in silence when I have a cold, like so:
I am determined to infect everybody in my vicinity so that I don’t suffer alone.
In the meantime, Kieran is having to look after the duvet-clad creature that is his girlfriend. He can hear the weird, complaining, hunched-blanket-creature from miles off, its ominous approach heralded by a: ‘sniff, sniff, bleurgh‘ sound complete with the ‘shuffle shuffle’ of its duvet-cape dragging on the floor. Very reminiscent of E.T. in his blanket:
That film was my biggest fear as a kid… and still kinda is now. Anyways, Kieran has learnt to throw chocolate at this creature to appease it.
It was Kieran’s uncle’s 5oth the other day, it was smart-cocktail-dress-kind of dress code, and I could. Not. Find. A. Dress. Anywhere. I’ve gone past Miss Selfridge and Topshop so many times and seen beautiful sparkly dresses which have made me go ‘oooh I wish I could wear something as fancy as that‘ and never had the occasion to do so, and now that I had, I couldn’t find anything. I wanted to find something pretty which would give me less chance of embarrassing myself, but there were several problems. Firstly, I had no idea what a cocktail dress was. When you type it into google, this is what comes up:
Not helpful, since all of them look completely different. Plus, they’re described as prom-like, which I wouldn’t know, never having had a prom…
Basically, I left it til the last day and bought from the boohoo website which is very cheap and always has great stuff. I bought this (Tamsin off the shoulder skater dress):
I love the berry colour of this which goes nicely with blonde hair like mine and I liked that it was more classy (but not too boring/grannyish) and still pretty, with the off the shoulder design and skater skirt. This is how it looked on the model on the website:
…not sure if it looked exactly like that on me, but I still felt pretty in it, so all good!
I wore these shoes:
Which are a smaller heel but are definitely safer for me, since if I wear higher heels I end up doing the dinosaur stomp instead of walking, kind of like:
Plus, they were pretty heavy-duty since on the way there I stepped in a metal grating on the floor and got my heel stuck (typical) and they survived it, and held up for dancing.
And then this for a necklace:
Because the pearl colour goes so nicely with that kind of berry dress. All in all, I felt kinda:
Which meant that I didn’t care when social-awkwardness-nightmares happened. Such as, getting trapped in the whirlpool horror of greeting everyone and the whole is-it-a-one-kiss-or-two-kiss-or-hugs-or-both dilemma. Even though I failed completely at that and went for one kiss whilst they went for two, so that when I leaned back they followed on like:
Meaning they laughed in my face before walking off. Oh well. At least I looked pretty.
Today Kieran had a lot of uni work to do and was being very productive and spent all day working.
I coloured in a bulldog.
To be fair I was keeping him company, but I still felt a bit guilty. This was a chance for me to basically just splurge all the colours I had on this one, so behold the most colourful bulldog in the world:
Since for the bear I had only used various browns, golds and blues/purples:
And for the cow I used different reds, golds, oranges/yellows and browns:
And for the horse it was just black, silver, red, orange and gold:
For this one I just wanted to use as many colours as I could, as childish as it may seem:
Plus, another chance to use the shiny pens which I love (yay):
pretty chuffed with my day’s worth of procrastination.