Sometimes it feels like uni is making me more stupid the longer I study here. Sometimes it feels like I’m doing great, I’m on top of things, I’ve done the reading and LIKED the reading and everything feels just:
But sometimes, I don’t understand anything and I’m somehow already behind even though it’s only the first week and I haven’t missed a single thing. This wasn’t such an issue in the first and second years, because I was queen of procrastination. I could get so much done when I was meant to be doing something else; I bingewatched the tv series I was on to completion, I caught up with friends at different unis, I completed drawings, I read (non course) books, I even cleaned. Yeah. But somehow, along with the occasional sense of not having a clue what’s going on, I have also lost my procrastination skills. Before, when I said I was doing nothing, I just meant I was doing other stuff. Now when I say I’m doing nothing, I’m literally doing nothing. I’m quite bewildered by this lack of procrastination. You know that feeling after you get out the shower and before you get ready for the day when you just sit on your bed for a full 30 minutes and contemplate life? That seems to be what I’m doing. Not even with any benefit- I haven’t come to any earth-shattering conclusions or reached an epiphany; I just trail slowly around the house eating everything in my path. Kind of like a mammoth.
The other day I achieved nothing- too confused to do work, too guilty, and also somehow too lazy, to do something else that I enjoyed, I just sat, in the words of A. A. Milne,
And that just sums it up- I have a nagging feeling that (what with apparently preparing for hibernation with my consumption of all food in a 3 mile radius) I am literally turning into Winnie the Pooh.
If I had had any doubts left: